"An owl told a snake who told a cat who said that I shouldn’t instigate by telling you Rover's people are gone, and he is asleep. Who does the owl think he is, calling me an instigator? I never start trouble."
"He told me not to go into a meadow yesterday. Uh-oh, Mrs. Angleton is looking for the broom," I barked.
"Yeah, what's up with that? She usually has it by now."
I grinned. "I ate most of it… Ugh, she found the part I didn't eat. Look out!"
Mrs. Angleton swatted at us with a broom that looked like it had gone through a wood chipper. Molly ducked and we both raced out of the house. Einstein's mom followed us as far as the porch steps. She stood there picking at the splinters in her hand and giving us stink-eye. Molly halted by the old oak tree in my yard. I sat down next to her, trying to flair my nostrils like Einstein's mom.
"You're so childish," Molly barked.
"Nice harness. What is that, Star Wars?"
"Worse. Eye of Argon," I barked. "It’s taken Einstein three years, but he's finally realized that my collar escapes haven't been accidental. Last night he proudly pulled out a plastic bag from his closet and told me he had ordered a special surprise. I thought he had treats so I jumped about, excited. 'All the experts say dogs can't get out of this,' Einstein had said after he put the harness on me."
"And?" Molly asked.
"I can’t get out of it," I replied. "He tied me to a tree and gave me a bath. It was horrible. He used his mother’s Herbal Essence shampoo. I smelled like cherry blossoms for hours. Are you coming with me to the Dover’s?"
Muttering about barking dogs, Mrs. Angleton stormed back into the house. The screen door banged shut. I heard the thud of her footfalls as she stomped into the basement to use Einstein's phone. Molly jumped to her paws.
Meat Head the Worst Dog in the World will be posted here in easy to read increments. Read for oldest to newest if you haven't been following along.
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