The internet has heralded in a border-less age. Redneck Americans can live in China and talk to their girlfriend in West Virginia who is also a second cousin twice removed! We at Microsoft are afraid.Very, very afraid. I mean, think back to the good old days, when those cousins would have had enormous international phone bills. Instead they Skype date night. Further more, why is Skype a verb and Google a verb? Why can't people say they're Microsofting?
Anyway, enough is enough. We paid our top minds a fortune to figure out how to put boarders on the internet. We're going to squeeze our international customer's balls so hard they'll wish they were a eunuch and if they don't have balls, we're gonna milk 'em like my great, great, great, great grand pappy's dairy cow.
"Moo," a direct quote from great grand pappy's cow.
Our think tank has already had some great ideas on redundant questions. So let me tell you our latest plan in fight against globalization. If you're an American living in China, you can only get the Chinese version of Office 365. Not only do you have to buy the Chinese version, but we'll change your account language to Chinese making it impossible for anyone who isn't fluent Mandarin to use.
But wait, we're not done ! Soon we'll be implementing the Microsoft Travel Plan. We have a cloud for everyone on every device, but notice our exclusion of the words"every where." Right now our users go all over the world without paying extra! With our new travel plan our customers will have to buy a new travel license for each region they travel to. And we're not limiting our limitation to every nation. We're also, limiting use by State, province and by 2025, users will need a city by city license!
What actually happened.
I tried to change my monthly subscriptions of office 365 from monthly to yearly which resulted in losing my access to 365 all together. I've never had so much trouble trying to give a company my money. I called Microsoft Customer Service and was informed that when you are traveling with you're laptop to different countries you "not allowed to use your program in that country."
I said, "You don't know what you're talking about," and ordered from Amazon. As it turns out they do know what they're talking about.
Anyway, I want to keep using Office 365 on all my computers ( even though Microsoft's cloud is slower than molasses in January ) I like most of the features enough not to mind paying a subscription. However, Microsoft's fear of globalization... there is nothing I can do. Since Office industry standard, I've been reticent about switching to Open Office but now I have to. And all that I've spent building my writer's database with Access ... and I don't even have time to convert. It's not even a mater of buying in Korea. I would if I could.
- Their website doesn't have an English version.
- Their Korean site is incapable of accepting a US credit card.
- Once I purchase from the Korean site, my account language changes to Korean and knowing Microsoft, that will cause all my applications to change to Korean. Have you ever tried to use Word in Korean?
- When I travel back to the States, I'll have to change back.
Unless you've lived abroad, it's in expressible how helpless you can feel sometimes. It's not just in your day to day life, but in moments where you lose something you're used to. Perhaps, I'm being overly emotional, but writing is like a blanket. Granted I procrastinate as much as any writer. But that's not the point. .Microsoft programs are the tools I use to work toward my dream, but instead of working on that I've spent the day converting all my files to RTF so I can access them because when I said, soon, I meant I lose access to Office 365 tomorrow and there is nothing I can do. I feel helpless. I know.... I know there is Open Office, but I feel like a pint of ice cream anyway.
M.R. Jordan is a writer, editor, sporadic blogger, and lover of beer. Lives in South Korea with her two cats, Bear and Geumbi.
Bear (Gom in Korean) then (above) now (below)
Geumbi (Gold in English)... then (above) and now (below).