Scene 1: A random morning before work.
Me, Myself and I: Good morning computer. I need some upbeat music to wake up.
Big Bertha: (Ten seconds later) "Okay."
Windows 8: "My designers know what's best for you. We have determined you need to sign into you account before you can access Big Bertha."
Me, Myself and I: (After typing in my password five or six times, but no more awake than I was five minutes ago.) "*&%%&^&!"
Windows 8: "Ha, ha, ha , ha, you can't get into your own computer."
Me, Myself and I: "Sorry Big Bertha. Good morning Sexy Computer!"
Sexy Computer: (Twelve seconds later) "Good Morning!"
Windows XP: "How can I be of service?"
Me Myself and I: " Go to YouTube and play The One Eyed on Horned Flying Purple People Eater. "
Sexy Computer and Windows XP: "That's an odd choice at your age, but we're here to serve."
Music plays and the day gets started.
Scene 2: A random evening just before bed
Me Myself and I: "Good night Big Bertha... Windows 8 please make your %$^&! "charms" menu appear, so I can shut her down."
Windows 8: "Big Bertha only does what I tell her to. Further more you have her attached to an external monitor, and because I'm me, I sometimes show you my charms menu over there or over here, and mostly not at all."
Me, Myself and I: "You sure are hard to get along with. "
Windows 8: "Yup."
Me, Myself and I: "Just turn off Big Bertha, okay. "
Windows 8: "I don't feel like it now, but I'll be happy to show the menu when you're trying to do something else."
Me, Myself and I: (Falling to my knees, reaching to the sky) "Microsoft !!!!!!"
**Ancient is a technical term used to describe a computer that is older than two years, but less than four years of age (at which point the technical term Older Than Dirt applies.)
M.R. Jordan is a writer, editor, sporadic blogger, and lover of beer. Lives in South Korea with her two cats, Bear and Geumbi.
Bear (Gom in Korean) then (above) now (below)
Geumbi (Gold in English)... then (above) and now (below).