Me: You haven't blogged about anything in ages.
Myself: I know. I have all these ideas when I'm no where near a computer.
I: And what about Donald Trump?
Me: There is just so much I could say.
Myself: No. Just no.
I: That applies not only to Me and Myself but to the whole presidency.
Me: Enough said?
Myself: Let's change the subject.
I: To what? Horses?
Me: I love horses!!!
Myself: Are three exclamation marks are enough? What ever happened to becoming a writer?
I: What if I try to write and ride at the same time?
Me: No. Just no.
The thing about living abroad is that you're not a citizen, which for the most part is neither here nor there in relationship to the work I do. In relationship to my dream job however, it does matter, because to work abroad you have to have a visa.
Alas there are no visas for The Thing and the existing visas have restrictions on what kind of things holder of the visa can do. There are options: get married or come up with three hundred thousand dollars to invest. I'm not currently seeing anyone, but mostly, if love happens it happens. I wasn't always so contented with single life and I'm not sure what happened. I got older I guess.
All this is to say, The Thing came to a grinding halt before we got going because of visas. My friend was willing to sponsor me through her company, but I love her too much to put her and her company at risk. So instead, I took a job of homeroom teacher for a kindergarten. It's not what I wanted to do and certainly, nothing like any of my previous work. It keeps me busy beyond words. But I like it.
There's this thing. Actually the technical title of the job is "The Thing." Also, I don't know what else to call it.
The opportunity has been there for a little while. One aspect of the thing is a trip to the United States to pick out some horses for some people Korea which could lead to more trips... not. Of course none of the potential trips stand any chance of happening if I don't do the first thing.
So that's the thing about the thing... it involves a lot of other things (teaching, animals, teaching, farming, teaching, traveling teaching.) and I'm scared because my pay will be contingent on business variables. If things go well with The Thing, I will make a lot more than I am now. But if things don't go well I'll have to go back to what I'm doing now.
When phrased that way it really doesn't sound all that risky. But as I've mentioned before, I'm something of a neurotic worrier. Nevertheless, I'm going to do try The Thing. Now, how to tell my boss???
I am on a new journey with horses 말. In Korean journey is 여행 can mean trip or travel. Sometimes words don't translate well, but I think this one does
. I am traveling this journey with my friend, her son and her parents... Her family. My family.
The idea of sharing (나누는?) one horse with this many people in the United States.... we would buy more horses.
But horses are expensive 비싼 here. Also, I live in Seoul and only have Sundays (일요일) right now to train and ride. Thankfully, his temperament and intelligence makes retraining easy.
그라지오 (Grageo) now Superman's last race was May of 2016. He was sold to a man who brought him to Bonghwa for retraining. The man took him home after one month. Superman got worse and worse and his owner wanted a quieter horse.
So the man traded him in on another horse. Somewhere along the way Superman has had many injuries... both front legs have splints. His hind leg has had a stifle injury. After much debate, my friend and I bought him despite these things. His temperament means my friend, who is not a horse person, can work him herself. Some horses require a trainer to not make any mistakes and the smallest thing can become a big thing. Some horses are very forgiving, but horses as easy as Superman are rare.
Less than a month ago, he was considered a low value horse. Now, everybody thinks he was a steal because he's so good.
I am at my core a horse person. People who aren't horse people might like horses and go for rides on vacations. A horse person though probably could be clinically diagnosed with something. However, psychologists tend to balk at calling something a disorder when millions suffer from it worldwide.
Well, the fact is, if you are a horse person and have a horse, you aren't suffering. You're quite happy. If you're a horseless horse person the daily pain is impossible to explain to those who don't suffer from this affliction.
When I left the United States to work in South Korea, I left my horses behind. I did it because I thought it would lead me back to horses in a better way. It sucks making minimum wage and being simultaneously horse poor. That's because you have the horse but you can't afford the gas to trailer the horse to the trails to go riding. Or if you like showing, you can't afford the entry fees. Whatever you're in horse poor misery which means you give your horse lots of baths and braid his or her tail and make him pretty a lot and generally enjoy your horse time. If you own a horse trailer it's rusty and if you own a truck it's 20 years old. But it's lovely. But much wealthier people are also horse poor. More than half their income goes into trucks and trailers and entry fees and the x number of horses they have, never mind you can only ride one at a time. That means when horse people get together they have a common understanding regardless of socio- economic standing.
Horse people understand what it means to spend all the money you have and don't have on horses and indulge in jokes like "you might be a horse person if you have to remove the hay from your hair before work."
Well, all this is a long way to say I am now the co-owner of a horse. 말 (mal) is horse in Korean. 말 Also means words which can make searching the internet for 말 nearly impossible. Horseback riding is called 승마 (seungma) Riding is about $30.00 for half an hour and varies from the there. I mentioned before that horses in Korea are often skinny.
The stable in Bongwha has horses that aren't skinny. Unfortunately, they kept selling the horses I was riding there and sometimes didn't have a horse for me. Boarding a horse, that is paying for the care and upkeep of horses is called hotel in Korean. Board generally starts at about $1000 a month but varies more often toward the expensive side. One bale of hay in Korea costs about $20.00.
Luckily, I'm paying half of $550, though I could technically swing the full board. My horse's name is Superman. He was named by my friend's son. His registered name, the horse not my friend's son, is 그라지오 (Grageo) which is Italian translated to English translated to Korean. It might mean to pardon/ to reprieve but a lot was probably lost in all those translation. He won about $113,000 during his race Korea.
Donald T. Rump: My inauguration was the biggest thing ever, period.
Vows to Make Border Fence Dense Pence: This isn't the old days where you can just say stuff and people will believe it.
The Cons Way: We hold these alternative facts to be self-evident. And anyway, I don't think ultimately presidents are judged by crowd sizes at their inauguration. I think they're judged by their--
Kollektivet: Size Matters
Donald T. Rump: The world is laughing at us. We can't let this happen. Hmmm. I know. I'll declare my inauguration day the National Day of Patriotic Devotion.
Vows to Make Border Fence Dense Pence: This isn't the old days where you can just say stuff and people will believe it.
Donald T. Rump: Furthermore, in addition to winning the Electoral College in a landslide, I won the popular vote if you deduct all the people who voted illegally. Life's not fair!
Republican Party: (Rolling eyes.) Would you like some cheese with that whine?
Ivanka: My father represents a very interesting challenge to the Republican Party.
Donald T. Rump. Because I am the only one who can make America truly great again! That's why I grabbed Lady Liberty by the pussy and I was relentless, even in the face of total lack of encouragement.
Vows to Make Border Fence Dense Pence: I support that.
The Cons Way: Donald Trump just has always elevated women to the highest echelons.
Scanning the headlines for Trump news is kind of like driving past the seen of a car crash. You know you shouldn't look but there is something irresistible. Today the Trump administration has their panties in a bundle once again about media correcting Trump and Cohort belief bias. They believe that Trump's inauguration had the biggest crowd turn out ever!!!!!
But those bastards, all the people who just won't let a president indulge in magical thinking, had to go and say "nuhu." And those bastards had an aerial photo, comparing the crowds of Trump's special day to Obama's special day.
Which can't be true since Trump's special day was the biggest, baddest and bestest ever!
It's really tough for Trump these days. He has to maintain a strangle hold on his biases while being confronted with reality. And he has to endure all this after South Park killed reality. If Trump wasn't president, he'd be like Bridezilla meets Jerry Springer, gets married and produces a baby.
However, he is president. One that will undo all the things not titled Trump, just to be able to title them Trump.
Z is the kid that nobody wants to sit beside. Some of it is a result of his past behavior. Last year when I had him, he could sit still, but he was interactive and engaged as long as you refocused him. Now he is quiet and withdrawn. It sucks when you're disliked at school even by your teachers. His teacher for the prior six months is also my co-worker. He is supposed to have a teaching liscence and what not, but that didn't prevent him from yelling at Z. I class one day to see him running and crying from the classroom. Said co-worked had vented his anger and frustration out on this kid.
The fact is, some kids don't just get picked on by their peers. They're singled out by the teacher too. Last week the girl I put him beside, didn't want to sit next to him. She told her mom and her mom came in and asked her to move him. I wasn't there, but when my co-teacher tried to move him, she said that nobody wanted to sit next to him. She said, she solved the problem by putting a chair between the boy and all the other students.
This kid already feels isolated. I suspect that he either has ADD and/or his parents are as involved as the other student's parents. Point in case, he comes to class with no bag and no book. These are first and second graders and I know most of their parents pack their bags. But ADD and the inability to focus could cause him to simply forget his after school books at his elementary school.
Anyway, I explained to my co-teacher that you can't isolate a student like that. If there is inappropriate behavior to other students you can do that for a short time, but it also depends on the kid and the circumstances. A kid who is acting out because of being bullied will only get bullied more when the teacher moves them. In this case, the kid is not acting, or doing anything bad. In fact, his only problem is being at the bottom the class. He was doing better before though. Now, he's just shut down.
I think teachers can forget that the kids see what they do and model that behavior. That means when a child is having a hard time conforming to that particular classroom culture, and the teacher caries around this attitude toward that kid, everyone else picks up on it. But not only are kids aware of it, they duplicate the attitude of the teacher toward that student.
It's unlikely that the teacher can see this, though. Even the best teachers are only human and if they're frustrated and don't have the tools to deal with a particular behavior.... what happens to the person the child is?
I read a blog post about saying something kind everyday to every student. You don't have to lie to them. You don't have to say they did a good job when they didn't. But kids need to a least fee liked by their teachers. But saying something kind... it might be the only kind thing that child hears. You just don't know what their life is like.
The insulated dog house is a floor right now. It's not a terrible thing because this winter has been warm and Rex has three-sided shelter and so adding an insulated floor is a good thing. Getting just that much done was tough though.
My friend and I argued, not light fight argued but you know I was like, "I think we should do it this way."
"Well, I was thinking we should do it this way," she said.
Back and forth we went for about three hours, whereupon I reached my threshold for behaving like a woman....so I punched her. Just kidding.
To understand what I mean, let me illustrate something about how gender influences how we communicate. So, psychologists do experiments but they also do observations. A famous experiment plus observation is putting a little kid in a room with candy. The adult then leaves the room after promising more candy if the child does not eat the candy until the adult returns. The adult then goes out and times how long until said child to loses impulse control. Generally speaking, the younger the child, the faster the candy is eaten. Now that I've told you about that study, let me tell you about another study of playground behavior.
In observing boys and girls on the playground it has been found that there is a significant gender difference in how children play. When a group of girls want to play a game, the game doesn't start until everyone has agreed upon the rules of the game. If a misunderstanding happens during the game, the girls will stop and not continue play until all members of the group agree. If a member's feelings are hurt, the group does not continue the game until girl is okay.
Boys on the other hand quickly discuss the rules, then set about finding loopholes, pause the game to argue about cheating, allow rules to be altered during the game. If the game does stop, it's because the disagreement has escalated. A fight may or may not break out, but the overall effect is that boys return to the game, as quickly as possible. Agreement is not necessary, but rather a general acceptance that the solution is good enough for now.
Learning this in college was an epiphany moment for me because I tend communicate more like men do than women. My feelings don't get hurt if someone does agree with me and we don't have to agree to move on. So, after three hours, I told me friend I didn't care, I just wanted to cut some wood.
This was followed by, "what size do you want me to cut?"
Well, we've had more serious bickering over building a fire than this so she rolled with it and started the calculations. Then she got a call from family so I told her I'd figure out what size to cut. I figured she'd be gone a while and I'd have the frame finished by the time she got back. She's been known to abandon me at the farm for hours while she goes to pour soap or make cosmetics for her business.
However, I knew she was reticent to leave me to my devices when she was back by the time I moved Rex so I could get in his dog house and cut two pieces of wood.
We were both amused by this and she thought my cut was too short so we cut again, she doing the calculations me doing the cuts. Soon we had a rectangle but there was one problem. We didn't have enough nails the right size. Off we raced to the woodshop where the guy who sold us our chainsaw... no, not that. I don't remember. He sold us something kind of big so he was like happy to see us and even happier when instead of a hammer and nails, we bought to nail tuckers and an air compressor.
A girl needs her nail tuckers, what can I say.
Anyway, my point is that sometimes instead of trying to figure where you're going before you start, sometimes you have to start to figure out where you're going. Sometimes you just have to cut some wood.
I've been angling for a position in the R&D department of my company. About six weeks ago, i was given an opportunity. The first set of tasks was to find videos related to topics of a book. They had to be easy for ESL students, about a minute and lenght and... well they didn't exsist. Try as I might I could not find them and I could not make them. it was grunt work, not really research or development but a foot in the door. As my dream job flashed before my eyes, I accepted, albeit slowly, that I coudln't produce what was wanted.
However, I was given a second chance, this time to write some passages. Yeah! I mean really, really, really. Getting paid to write anything is just awesome. Well, to be honest my writing skills have gotten rusty. There is a link between insomonia and writing for me. I mean, usually insomnia advice is to write a bit until you fall asleep. But when I write my brain goes all Daffy Duck and ideas pervade into my sleeping hours. My brain litteral writes and edits stories, which means I don't really sleep. But I'm not awake enough to stop this from happening.
Alsas the insomnia returned with avengence and a head fog as I started to write this passages. But they needed to be short. Less than a hundred and fifty words. This was good because at least my aberant brain couldn't fixate the way it does when I write longer stories.
In the meantime, I contuned going to my friends house on the weekends and riding horses. I even took a week's vacation. Our table saw had arrived about a month prior to said vacation, along with welding tools and a chain saw. I suppose it must be strange to buy co-own tools with a friend, but it works for us. First thing, we're going to build is build an insulated dog house. Then we're going to make a chicken feeder. eventually we'll put in some retaining walls and build a jungle gym for her son.
I guess what I'm saying is, though I started this blog as a writer, perhaps I have to let go of it for my sanity. Sleep is important. I can sleep with visions of wood working dancing in my head, but not with visions of plots. Well, actually this problem is my fault. When I first started writing and discovered I could plot in my sleep, I was like, "cool." I suppose I trained my brain to work this way. I believe I will return to writing, but with care. I have to untrain my brain. Sleep is important.
M.R. Jordan is a writer, editor, sporadic blogger, and lover of beer. Lives in South Korea with her two cats, Bear and Geumbi.
Bear (Gom in Korean) then (above) now (below)
Geumbi (Gold in English)... then (above) and now (below).